Heading Home in the Midst of a Global Pandemic

Frantic goodbyes and a return to a country that was completely different than when I left it

I was in London just finishing up the jam-packed week of adventures Sav and I were having when everything seemed to crumble. On my sister's last night visiting me before heading back home, the Coronavirus was declared a global pandemic and travel restrictions from the EU were being put in place. I was filled with a swirl of emotions, fear, anger, sadness, disappointment, confusion and I just hoped that maybe this wouldn't last long.

Immediate panic and rush to leave

Immediately after the announcement that shook the world American students from my college in the US decided to hurriedly pack up everything and leave. We had been contacted by our school with the option for them to provide us with a ticket home and although it was optional they were urging us to return in case we ended up unable to get home if we waited. I was trying to think everything through in my head but with the panic unfolding I couldn't quite think clearly. I was not ready to leave, I still had so many things on my list to do, I hadn't gone to every place featured in my Norwich guidebook, I could not come to terms with it. I let my school know that I was staying and I started contacting everyone I knew from school at home who had been studying abroad to see if they were staying because I didn't want to be alone. Everyone told me they were going home. I asked my friends at UEA if they were staying and at first some of them said yes but with each passing day the campus completely emptied as floods of study abroad students returned home and the semester turned virtual. Within the week it became clear that the world was going into complete shut down mode in order to stop the spread of the virus. If I didn't take the opportunity to go home, no one knew when I would be able to. A plane ticket was purchased for my return and I spent the next two days packing, picking up last minute souvenirs, and crying. During that time I felt so deflated and absolutely heartbroken. Studying abroad was the one thing I knew for sure when entering college and it was all coming to and end. I fell in love with Norwich and UEA almost as soon as I arrived and felt that I had found the place I was meant to be and now I was rushing out without knowing if I would ever get the chance to come back. Everything was happening so fast that none of my friend group had the chance to say goodbye before we left. That crushed me because I had forged such strong bonds and then came the worries that our friendships would fade and we would never see each other again. After 3 years of feeling like I didn't fit in on my own college campus I finally felt like I belonged so leaving halfway through the semester caused such a pain in my heart that it took me a while to start feeling okay.

A bus ride to the airport at 1am

On my last day in Norwich I had finished up packing, booked a bus ticket to the airport, and put on a full face of makeup to try and maintain some normalcy in all the uncertainty. The last thing left for me to do before heading to the bus stop was return the key to flat which required me to ask my flatmate Euwen if he would be there to open the door for me when I got back from the drop-off since I would no longer have a key. I took a deep breath and tried to hold back the tears that were threatening to be released as I knocked on his door. He opened the door in his signature pink flamingo robe, took one look at my face, and knew I wasn't okay. I couldn't even respond to his asking my what's wrong before bursting into tears once again telling him "I'm leaving" through my sobs as he pulled me into a comforting embrace.

I redid my makeup after returning to my flat with the few hours I had left to kill before my 1:00am bus departure. Pulling myself together once again I spent my last few hours in the kitchen chatting with flatmates Jack and Euwen until it was time to go. I took a cab to the bus stop, boarded the bus with just a handful of others, and spent the next 5 hours trying to come to terms with the chain of events that had taken place over the last week and a half. I created a "sad plane ride" Spotify playlist full of heart wrenching breakup songs and melancholy ballads like Coldplay's "Fix You" because I needed to let myself feel all the negative emotions and music was the only thing in that moment I had to comfort me. As the hours on the bus passed I stared aimlessly out the window and didn't even try to stop the tears from streaming down my face, ruining my makeup for the third time that day.

Arriving at the airport I observed the lack of crowds but noticed the uneasy tension in the air as last minute travelers were frantically figuring out how to get home. The Delta staff checking me in noticed my mascara stained face and asked who I was leaving behind which felt like a punch in the gut as I just barely choked out "all my friends, my university..." in a shaky voice. At the same time I felt guilty because I love and missed my family and boyfriend so much, people who I would soon be returning home to, yet I couldn't shake the self-pity and sadness over leaving.

It didn't take long for me to get through security and eventually I sat in a general waiting area with a few hours to kill watching for my gate to be announced. I was sitting alone in a declining mental state when something good happened that slightly lessened the pain of this overwhelming disappointment. My friend Lauren who had been studying abroad at UEA from a different US university saw my snapchat location tagged at the airport and asked what flight I would be on. It turned out we were heading home on the same flight and she had just arrived to the airport via taxi. My sadness didn't just miraculously disappear but having a friend on this flight with me who was probably going through the same swirl of emotions was comforting and brought me solace knowing that I wasn't going through it alone.

The weirdest arrival home

I flew from London to JFK which was almost completely empty and then took another flight home to Rochester. It was strange walking through the desolate airport to retrieve my 3 bags from the baggage claim. I became uncomfortably aware that I had not returned home to the country that I had left in January. Among the many questions going through my mind was "how could things change so drastically in such a short period of time?". In that moment it still didn't feel real that I was back home and it didn't settle in for a while. I was happy to see my family although I couldn't hug them as I went straight into quarantine for the next three weeks. I needed that time to be alone to process the unfathomable turn of events that I never saw coming.

I didn't mean to be selfish focusing on my own pain during this time. On the news every day I was seeing the nightmare unfold as people tragically lost their loved ones, as ill patients died without anyone their to visit or comfort them, as people lost their jobs, as important milestones like graduations, weddings, and proms were canceled. Despite all my self-pity I knew that I wasn't the only person who lost something in this pandemic.

During my three week quarantine I barely changed my clothes, I lounged in pajama pants and my UEA crewneck sweatshirt every day as I scrolled through all my pictures looking for a momentary escape from reality. I didn't notice it while it was happening but with every week that passed I was starting to feel better and look for reasons to be happy instead of dwelling on my heartbreak. I was grateful to be healthy, that my family was healthy, that I hadn't lost anyone to the virus, that I had a roof over my head and food to eat. There were so many things to be grateful for and I turned my energy towards focus on recognizing those things. I am so grateful that I even got to travel to Norwich for the time that I did because it opened the door to plans that I would've never thought possible like returning to Norwich for grad school after finishing my senior year of undergrad.

So to make a long story short, the frantic and abrupt end to my study abroad semester sucked and giving myself the space and time to feel everything I needed to feel eventually allowed me to heal. Through this process I found my way back to feeling happy for the little things and grateful each and every day.

As I reflect on this moment over a year later my final thoughts on the matter are that maybe one door closed for me but I found my open window.